Three modern apes visiting Trona Pinnacles in Southern California,
the site of the filming of the 2001 movie, "Planet of the Apes".
(Thank you, Jim T. for this tidbit. Directions to Trona Pinnacles below.)

It all started with Mike Werner's blog, at the end of 2005 he posted a picture of three under-dressed fellows on dirt bikes, who appear to be just about to set off on ride across a foreboding section of desert. He was trying to "bring something else to the table" besides the demo-dollies and brollie-dollies. He has posted the picture of the three guys before. It made me laugh then and I was happy to see it again - it is great to see something other than just another naked/nearly naked/might as well be naked girl adorning a motorcycle.

Before you start jumping to conclusions, let me just state for the record that Mapplethorpe's photo of Lydia Cheng has been hanging in my home for fifteen years. For those of you who are customers of Helimot in San Jose, you have probably seen the Rock Oil poster that is in the third dressing room on the left in the room where the track suits are hanging. The poster shows a tanned young lady with long brown hair, seated to show off shapely legs, her torso arched back. She is pouring a can of honey-colored Rock Oil down her bare chest. It is a fantastic poster. I tried to buy it but Helmut wouldn't sell it, he said too many people would miss her. Had the shop been selling Rock Oil, and had that poster had been on the label of the product, I would have bought the largest can available on the spot.

Russell from Rock Oil, a UK company, kindly responded to my inquiry about their poster archive. He said that the poster series was done by their Australian importer eight years ago. Rock Oil still receives inquiries about the posters but there isn't an archive of either hardcopy or electronic images. Too bad. Ah well, so it goes.

Before you read any further, if you didn't like Lydia, then don't bother with the Rock Oil poster that Mitch from Texas found (thanks, Mitch), or the three links below. Seriously! What I find pleasing may not be your cup of tea, and vice versa. The Rock Oil poster at Helimot shows the model's face and hair, but there's no motorcycle in the picture.

Back to the discussion on Mike's blog ... Jerry jumped in and provided links to his collection of babes on bikes, Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, which caused Hanny, a Dutch blogger, to remark that there are enough pictures of naked girls on the Internet, and that she would prefer to see more pictures of "nice" naked men on motorbikes. "Nice" is one of those words that means different things to different people. I'll venture that her definition includes "in good physical condition" and "not vulgar" at a minimum.

Why aren't there more pictures of aesthetically pleasing, nude or scantily clad men with motorcycles on the Internet? Am I missing something or isn't the answer as simple as, because there aren't enough people willing to pay for such pictures either directly or indirectly, i.e., advertising? Is there a population that would have been interested in the poster if that Rock Oil cascade had been streaming between a pair of well-developed pectorals and pooling among the moguls of a male 11% body-fat abdomen?

There are plenty of calendars with featuring nude females with motorcycles, but the likelihood that any of those are going to end up in my kitchen is pretty low. So, what would my pique my interest? What sort of image would make me smile? How about a photo of a woman rider, sitting on low rock wall, looking out over a lake on a warm, sunny day. The camera would show her well-defined, braless upper body from the back, in the background you would see her leathers draped over her bike.

So here we are in 2006, with the fastest growing segment of the motorcycle buying population being female. It is time for the manufacturers to think again about how they advertise their products. In 2005, the splash page for the Triumph (US) web site showed a young woman wearing a wistful expression, with a caption, "if only it was another woman, I could compete". Advertising that creates competition between a person's domestic companion and their motorcycle doesn't draw me in.

The Triumph ad was subtle compared to the the bike ads that make blatant equivalents out of fucking and riding. Check out this amusing video clip from Aprilia. Amusing, but the virtual masturbation theme isn't going to bring me into the dealership. Manufactures aren't going to stop producing ads based on these themes - there's a known market segment that responds to that these ads, I'm just not a member of that population and I'm not alone. I'm also not a fan of the type of advertising that creates dissatisfaction or exploits a feeling of inadequacy then offers a product with an implied delivery of well-being that is far more than what is embodied in a hunk of metal, plastic, rubber and electronics.

Nudity in motorcycle advertising is a given. I would like to see less vulgarity and more subtlety and / or humor. Three nearly naked guys poised to ride their dirt bikes into the desert is funny. Rock Oil pouring down the smooth skin on that young lady's chest - well, it was aesthetically pleasing and more subtle than Ducati's "c'mon, fuck me" positioning of models on bikes, which is meant to be pleasing to some, but isn't meant to be subtle or humorous.

Is there a big enough market segment that would be more interested in a Ducati 999 if the picture of the bike included a handsome, buff guy wearing nothing but black leather chaps, holding a tray of scented massage oils with the caption, "for the ride now, and the ride after"? What about the market segments that would prefer seeing a strong, curvy female wearing those chaps?

So, listen up all you people in the marketing departments of motorcycle manufacturers around the world, you all are smart, talented folks. Surely you all can figure out how to blend the themes of sex, independence, adventure and self-determination, and give us some "nice" pictures of nude women and naked guys on motorcycles. We're waiting....

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Directions to Trona Pinnacles

To make your own pilgrimage to this scenic stopping point on the way to Death Valley, starting from the North Mojave desert meca of Ridgecrest Hwy 395, take Hwy.178 East. After you pass the right hand turn off for Johannesburg, continue straight on Hwy 178 for an additional 7.5 more miles. If you blink you will miss the turn off. While speeding along the drab desertscape, look for the "Trona Pinnacles" sign. Take a right on the dirt road which isn't advised unless you have dirt-bike riding experience. This road is not advised in wet weather. It can literally become lake (again) in heavy rainy seasons.

Okay, I set myself up for this. I appreciate your response to my previous posting but really, you don't need to share your pictures with me. Really.

Dennis and I met in the bakery in Woodside - it was time to put the twin twins side by side and laugh at the differences. Dennis is 6'2", around 180 lbs, with legs that seem to go on forever. I'm 5'3" if I hold my head high, around 125 lbs, and inseam challenged. His bike has the yellow beak, spoked wheels, and stock suspension. Mine has the blue beak, cast wheels, and Ohlins shocks tuned my body weight and leg length. Otherwise we're riding the same R1200 GS.

We've both noticed that with the upright riding position, when you get on the gas, your head gets thrown back. It feels a little silly to scoot back and drop your chest down as you would on a sport bike, but if you want to tear around on the GS, that's what you have to do. Did I just let the cat out of the bag? I guess so, yes, I've been tearing around. The bike may look sedate, but it wasn't named Bike of the Year, 2005 - Rider Magazine, 2004 Bike of the Year - Motorcyclist, 2004 Best Open Class Street Bike - Cycle World, and International Journalist's Best Bike of the Year, 2004 for nothing.

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A couple of days ago I noticed this ugly purple bruise on my thigh and wondered where it had come from. Normally Aikido accounts for most of my bruises - I could tell by the shape that this wasn't from training. Oh yeah. This must have happened when I tried to hold the bike up when it told me it was sleepy and needed to lie down.

I was trying to put the GS in a new parking place at work, some other bike had taken mine. I had already dismounted and was getting ready to shuck my riding gear when I decided to move it over a few inches. I walked the bike forward, then started backing it in to place. Hearing a noise, I looked over the opposite shoulder and as I turned back I realized the bike was leaning on me dangerously. I did try to shove it back upright with my leg. That failing, the best I could do was lay the bike down slowly and gently. I left it resting on the left cylinder head and left side box.

Feeling like an idiot I called Security and asked for someone to come help me. The fellow who came to help rides a Gixxer 750 - he picked up the bike easily and set it on its side stand. Mr. Gixxer was polite and helpful - and more convinced than ever that sport bikes are the only bikes to have. I really must learn to pick up my bike by myself. If Skert can do it, I can do it.

There's a minor scratch on the base of the cylinder head; tomorrow I'll order the cylinder guards. The scratch isn't visible, but I know it's there, and I have a feeling this won't be the last time that the bike will be napping on one its cylinder heads.